To my therapist,
I want to tell you about my weekend. I logged in to my computer to write to you so I could write fluidly rather than the small slow typing on a cell phone. Friday night I went out for a couple hours. I think I told you that already. As of this week, piano is back in my life. It’s about time. I’m practising my senior piano recital piece. I’m amazed I still have the music score that my mum originally bought for me when I was 16. I have a whole bookshelf full of piano music I’ve collected over the years, and I will never need to buy new music because I’ll never get to playing everything that’s in my shelf. I used to photocopy music in the library when I was in college and I was so proud of my collection, even though I wasn’t playing it. I’m glad I didn’t get rid of it like I got rid of so many other books to Goodwill when I moved.
My mom bought for me and sent to me a book that is both in Italian and in English. I started reading it tonight. It’s sort of an autobiography. Reading the Italian is like reading music, and when I don’t understand a word, all I have to do is to look over to the other side where it’s translated into English. It makes me want to move to Italy and to somehow find work there. My mom would miss me if I chose to live in a different country. But I would love to live in Europe again! Germany or Italy would be my choices to go back to. It’s just that it’s hard to find jobs there.
I am starting to find more pleasure in life. Although, I did not have a good Saturday. I went to bed at 2 AM and then finally got out of bed at 5 PM. I was supposed to have coffee with a friend that afternoon but totally did not. Sunday, today, I woke up at 1:20 and made it out to coffee with a new friend. She is in my counseling class. We only spent an hour and a half with each other but we connect and we could have continued talking for a long time. I had a nice evening after that. I finished reading my class text book, then read another book for pleasure, then played piano, all before my roommate got home, then I washed dishes and read some more, of the Italian book this time, and had a shower. Now I am writing to you. Reading books is opening up my whole world. Taking these two classes taught me the pleasure of learning again, and I’m really enjoying enjoying things now. And my life is so much better. I have such a nice roommate, and I have a few new friends, through school and through my roommate. I was even able to get up out of bed today. I had a really nice weekend, overall, and I wish I had another weekend day, just so I could read my books and play piano and eat, and stay in pajamas all day.
Once classes are over I am going to start studying for the GRE this summer. I really want to take the test and pass it. I think it’s a good and achievable goal.
I’m really glad we have our next appointment scheduled. It comforts me knowing when I am going to see you next. Seeing you at the middle of my week is the high point of my week. Since I have dreaded weekends so much, it’s two days away from the weekend and two days until the weekend, so Wednesday is really my best day of the week.
I haven’t written in my blog, my online journal so much. I’ve been going through more internal processing, rather than external, writing-it-out processing. I’m really glad we got through the difficult part of our relationship when I broke our trust agreement. Those were some really difficult weeks to get through because I felt angry with you and rejected but now I am feeling good about our relationship again.
Thank you for helping me.