Effecting Change

Thus so far, the night is going well. It’s Friday. I have no plans. I left work on time. I ate a leftover portobello mushroom that I had soaked in butter, then warmed up. I ate an apple. I spent 45 minutes wasting my time on social media. I just now cooked up two piping hot quesadillas also soaked in butter. I always have cheddar cheese on hand, why didn’t I think of buying corn tortillas sooner? This is, like, the best dinner!

Work was slow today. It has been slow for a couple weeks. I don’t mind those days because it means zero stress. It was a difficult job with challenges for the first ten months, but now, in the last month, I have felt that it is no longer challenging. And, we know I want to work in promoting mental health recovery eventually, so why not start now? I took the leap, the plunge, the dangerous jump. I put myself and my security on the line. I applied to some jobs at some behavioural health facilities today. I have never worked in a hospital before. I have no experience with mental health save my own inpatient stays and years of battle with mental illness. Yet here I am. I want to get some experience. It’s pretty drastic. I have financial stability, and emotional stability for the first time in over a decade. And I’m willing to toss that all aside in order to pursue my dreams.

Well, not dreams. I know that doing something new will be difficult and challenging at first. I would have to get used to the routine. I applied to be a “patient liaison” at the intake department of one facility, and a “Mental Health Worker” at the hospital where I used to stay as inpatient. I have no experience so they probably won’t accept me and I am over-qualified for the receptionist positions that are available, and that wouldn’t give me the mental health experience that I am looking for. How does one break into the industry if degrees and training are not relevant and one has no experience? I don’t know. But I’m going to give it a try. It’s scary and exciting at the same time.

I just filled my stomach with greasy deliciousness. I’m not full and will probably splurge with the remaining ice cream that I have in the freezer. I knew there was a reason I went to the gym yesterday! I’m going to spend the night catching up on other people’s blogs. I have only tentative plans for the weekend and no plans for the upcoming holiday. I’ve spent the last one year of holidays alone, and it has been very depressing and lonely, with a grey cloud over my head. I don’t suspect Monday will be any different. But I have a brighter future to look forward to. I know things will get better. They have to.

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