​Experiencing a Mild Depression

I just don’t want to do anything any more. That’s not true. Earlier in the week, I had tons of energy. But my energy has decreased and it bothers me. I slept 14 hours last night and this morning. Maybe 15. I have my weekly therapy session in just two hours. My armpits stink and I need to shower. Instead, I’m just going to cover it with deodorant later on. There is a pile of dishes in the sink and an unwashed pan on the stove. My dirty laundry basket is overflowing as usual. But what really matters is that I am feeling okay and I have my little dog in my lap. He seems pretty content to be here with me. That always makes me feel better.
The tea I am drinking right now has chocolate pralines and strawberries in it. It’s a black tea. It’s a small pleasure to enjoy right now. I finally got the courage to make tea for myself after the last two hours of not doing it because it felt like too much effort. That is all in my mind, right?
I’m dating someone. We’ve been dating for about three weeks. I really like him and he makes me feel happy. He is well aware of my depression because I told him about it. He has an undergraduate degree in psychology and had already figured out that I have depression before I told him. Here were the reasons he knew: the scar on my arm, the oversleeping, the co-dependency on my dog and the fact that on my dating profile I said I can’t do without my therapist. So, there you have it. He already knew. I didn’t know he knew and I was well prepared for him to reject me and decide to not date me because of this fact. But that wasn’t the case and I was so relieved!
That’s it. I have to recognize it when it comes. I am feeling depressed. I am feeling down. I don’t often recognize when this is happening, so realizing this right now is like having an epiphany. I am feeling depressed. Maybe just a little bit. Maybe a lot. Maybe I will feel less depressed after seeing my therapist. I mean, I always feel better after seeing him. I don’t pay attention much to my depression these days. If I am feeling down I am usually able to work through it, meaning, I concentrate on work during the week. I think work is a good distraction from my feeling depressed. It’s good for me. Plus I have to pay the bills.
Time is going really slowly right now. It’s basically noon, but it was 11:54 for way too long and now it’s only 12:01. I don’t know what’s up. I’m having tons of thoughts and time is going very slowly. I know I want to finish writing out my thoughts here before getting ready to go out for therapy. Maybe it’s a good thing that my new man works four 10-hour days Friday through Monday. Because if he had weekends free then we would likely be spending that time together and I wouldn’t get any of my stuff done. Why is it that I just don’t want to do anything right now? I don’t understand this state of being. Now only two minutes have passed and I feel like a sloth because time is going so slowly. It doesn’t exactly feel good.
My dog doesn’t seem to be bothered by any of my human failings. I need to focus on approaching life from Samuel’s perspective, which is in-the-moment as things are happening. He doesn’t have the mental capacity to worry too much about what happened in the past and about what is going to happen in the future. I completely forgot that today is Pride Day here in my town. People are out and about celebrating LGBTQ in the gay neighbourhood in town and at a very large park. Weeks ago I thought about participating but right now I’m glad I slept. I can’t imagine having to expend that sort of energy right now. I best start getting ready to go to therapy. It’s a rough life I have, I’m telling you! (Yes, that’s a joke 🙂